In Phyliss Schlafly latest article, which you can see here:  http://www.eagleforum.org/column/2011/aug11/11-08-19.html, is truly eye opening. In the article she goes over the changing demographics of the United States, “ America has not only grown dramatically in population over the last two decades, but has radically changed ethnically, geographically, and culturally. The most costly of the many changes is the fact that having children has become increasingly detached from marriage. Illegitimate births for all Americans have risen from 26 percent in 1990 to 41 percent today “and could be headed higher.” Among Hispanics, illegitimacy is 53 percent, among blacks it’s 73 percent, and among whites it has risen to a shocking 29 percent. This extraordinary change is the primary reason that government budgets, both federal and state, are so bloated. Without fathers to provide for these millions of children, their mothers turn to Big Brother Government.”

Restraining Orders Destroy The Nuclear Family

The government has set out to willfully remove the father from the family and reward the mother for this behavior. This has led to a destruction of the family and the countries finances. Not content with this level of destruction, Restraining Orders laws were strengthened under the Clinton administration. In my particular case, I was not able to see my children for over a year. So in a time when my children needed me the most after my divorce, I was not able to see my children.

For U.S society ever to get its footing again, we need to be  promoting and strengthening marriages,  and not be providing economic incentives to destroy them.  One of the best ways to do this would be taking a closer look at restraining orders.

Restraining Orders Remove Fathers From Families

The recent riots in Europe especially in England have left the European continent shaken and have many Americans worried if this is the same fate that awaits them. Unfortunately this tragedy did not happen overnight but was years in the making. The mistakes that the British have made over the last twenty years are the same ones that we have made here: We pay single mothers to have children. Removing fathers from the family nucleus has led to a breakdown of society. With the passage of new laws in the early 1990’s here in the U.S, there has been a surge of restraining orders that have been issued which has created economic incentives for the states to isolate the father from their children.

In England there are huge swaths of children are being raised without fathers. The importance of a father on a child’s life should not be under estimated as the father tends to be the ultimate arbitrator of boundaries in a child’s life. The mother supplies the love while the father provides the firm hand and guidance that all children need. That is not to say a single parent can not do a great job, but being a single parent usually means that the child will be left alone for long periods of time while the parent works. To combat the problems of single motherhood, the British government has numerous polices that offer assistance for single mothers. This economic assistance has only exacerbated the problem as the more children the mothers have, the more money the mother receives.

In England there are whole generations of children raised without a father and is now causing a widespread social collapse where children have no concept of what a committed father is. We are now having generations of children solely being raised by mothers where transitory males only pass by to impregnate the mother with more children. The children accepting this situation as the new “norm” go out and repeat the process. The end result is fatherless children who grow up with this unquenchable range and desperate for love. These children are now lashing out at everyone around them; these children essentiality are growing up without boundaries and no concept of the pain they can inflict on others. Since the child did not grow up in a loving disciplined household, these children as they get older resort to violence over the slightest setback or disagreement.

The numbers are staggering when you consider that, in 2009, 37.4% of European children were born outside of marriage. That’s more than twice the 1990 rate of 17.4%. So close to 40% of all children are now being born into families where marriage is not the norm and without the marriage contact intact to support that child. In England, the turning point was in 1997 when the Labour Party came to power. Through their policies they set about destroying not just the traditional family but the very idea that married parents were better for children. In the United State, we had a head start with the welfare polices that were enacted in the 1960’s where the government provided transfer payments to single mothers. In one generation the U. S government destroyed the nuclear black family through these vicious policies.

This utter destruction of the family has Europe in crisis; the number of children being born per woman for the EU is 1.56. Having children is an absolute step of faith, love and hope. A society that is growing needs just over 2.1 children to replace itself. When that number is declining it means every subsequent generation will be smaller. And as the population ages there will be more retired people living off a smaller workforce. The numbers suggest Europe is going through a cultural suicide; they no longer have faith in their society and the underpinnings of it. They are no longer willing to bear children, and the children they do have are being born increasingly into a family where the father is not present.

Restraining Orders and V.A.W.A- The Connection

In some ways the story in the United Sates has gotten worse by a terrible piece of legislations that was passed in the early 1990’s: VAWA. VAWA stands for the, Violence Against Women Act. It was signed into law by President Bill Clinton as part of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994. It was created in order to bring attention to and to allocate funds for the purpose of protecting women, children and providing educational programs to help prevent domestic violence.The law provided grant programs to encourage states to deal with domestic violence and sexual assault issues. However because they were grants- that is money allocated by the federal government to the states, this perverse economic incentive encouraged law enforcement officers to make more arrests which provided more money for the states In order to keep the money flowing, more women needed to be identified needing assistance and more men needed to go to jail. One of the unintended consequences of this law was that, divorce attorneys started using restraining orders to extract more money for themselves and their clients. So what seemed liked a noble idea (protecting women), caused tremendous devastation to men going through the divorce process. I would argue that the children were the ones who got hurt most by restraining orders as they lost contact with their fathers. So in a dire time, where more men are needed in children’s lives, the US government provides states money to separate men from their father’s lives through the use and misuse of restraining orders.

Now more than ever we need father involved in children’s lives. What is happening in Europe today is coming to America. We need men to be involved in children lives and VAWA needs to be repealed. Restraining Orders should not be used as an economic incentive for states to make money. For more information on restraining orders go to RestrainingOrder911.com                                                                   

The ideal for all couples who are married is a long and lasting relationship; unfortunately that is not always the case. Many couples get divorced and this can cause extreme hardships for both people. The thing is, sometimes circumstances for divorce occur bit by bit and not suddenly. If you happen to unfortunately enter into the divorce market, you may have to consider the following things about divorce to overcome the process smoothly. Relying solely on friends and family alone for advice would not help you much. During my divorce I was hit with a restraining order and this caused me a tremendous amount of grief. Divorces can become contentious and in my case, since my wife was so mad at me she hit me with a restraining order even though I had never hit her. The point is that lashed out at me in a way that made my divorce much more painful for me and my children. Friendly advice is helpful, but not when it comes to the law.

Restraining Orders – Know the Law

During the time that I was served with a restraining order I had to learn everything about the law and follow it to the last letter. I know now that if you violate the terms of a restraining order you can be in big trouble (jail time trouble). The other things I learned through my divorce were the following things that I think could help you.

1. In the U.S, laws on divorce differs from one state to another. For example, a divorce in California is different from divorce in Connecticut. When I got divorced, my job was in New York, my house in New Jersey and my wife and kids in Massachusetts Though the laws differ mainly on division of assets, divorce can be filed only in the state where you live.You can not go to another State which offers more on division of assets. The point is it you need to know which laws are going to apply to your case.

2. Nowadays, an uncontested divorce, also called as no-fault divorce has become more popular and common amongst spouses opting for divorce. This law was established as a way for couples to have a quicker and more painless way to get divorced. It was intended to help women walk away from abusive marriages. But like all laws, this law had unintended consequences as men were the biggest beneficiaries as they walked away from their marriages in greater numbers. In a no fault divorce, lawyers are only required either on a minimal basis or they are not required at all. Be aware what kind of divorce is being filed.

3. Some states insist on a ‘test’ divorce, under which separation is required during a trial period before grant of divorce. This law was done in the hopes that during a cooling off period some marriages could be salvaged. During the period of separation, the couple opting for divorce should live apart without any interaction in between. Under the circumstances of separation, couples will get to resolve their issues and will try to live without the partner. During this time, couples have been known to reconcile their issues, and get willing and prepared to make adjustments on past differences so as to stay married. In my case it was not possible to reconcile, be aware though that although you might want a quick divorce, the law in your state might not allow it.

4. In an ‘at-fault’ divorce, it usually stems that one of the partners has violated the marital contract usually via abandonment, infidelity or cruelty to the other partner. Also cruelty can take on many forms such as verbal, emotional or physical. This is where things can become quite tricky especially if there are children involved. Divorce affects children in many profound ways and when there is abuse of any kind, it’s even worse. It is not always clear to see who was guilty of breaching the martial contract. When it is determined that both spouses are guilty of committing breach of marital contract, the principle of comparison rectitude is employed. This method compares the guilty parties and determines which party is guiltier

If you are facing the divorce right now, do the best you can to educate yourself. I have many great resources at DivorceCures.com and if you ever get served a restraining order, be sure to make sure you check out restrainingorder911.com. Always be mindful of the laws of your state. Doing your due diligence during the divorce will enable you to face the situation with great courage and will enable you to know and understand what to expect out of the case.

There was a post recently by the Connecticut Network for Legal Aid on how to ask for a restraining order http://ctlawhelp.org/how-to-ask-for-a-restraining-order ; the article went over some of the mechanics on how to get a restraining order in Connecticut.

These articles always cause me a bit of concern because the people who write them rarely mention some of the devastating consequences that restraining orders can have on people. For example  if you are served a  restraining order you can:

• Lose Your Home
• Lose Your Car
• Lose Your Livelihood
• Lose Your Freedom

At restrainingorder911.com,  I will show you in detail- the full range of consequences that a restraining order can have on your life and how to protect yourself.

It is ok sometimes to be angry. Sometimes this is a great way to move past certain problems and issues that you may have.Anger is completely normal and you will want to make sure that you are dealing with it as best as you can. You will want to be careful so that you are not setting yourself up for more problems when you are angry because of a divorce.

Getting divorced can be a hard time in anyone’s life. It is something that you will have to deal with one day at a time. It’s even harder if a restraining order or protective order was involved. Restraining orders are sometimes used by sly lawyers to gain an upper hand in negotiating the terms of a divorce.

It is not always easy for both parties especially if you are not the person initiating the divorce. If you are the person that is being left, you may feel angry and hurt at the other person.These feelings are completely relevant and you will have more emotions come up in the future as well.

When you are having issues with anger because of a divorce, you will want to make sure that you are using your best judgment in the matter. You do not want to do anything to harsh because you may later regret it.Remember that once you do something or say something, it is impossible for you to take it back.You must remain calm in this situation so that you are not coming off looking irrational or childish.

There are ways that you can deal with the anger after a divorce.You will want to sit down and calmly think about them first. You do want to make sure that you have the facts to why you are getting divorced. Make sure that you are not left out in the dark so that you can have a full understanding of what is going on in your life.You can try and talk to your soon to be ex and find out what is going on and use communication as a form of release. Talking things out can sometimes make a person feel much better.

In order for you to feel better and get through the divorce, you will need to move past the angry part. You have to find a way to move on and get through this difficult time. There is no real answers to how you do this, you just have to figure out the best way that you know how so that you are taking care of you first.The most important thing that you can do when you are in the process of a divorce or after it is said and done is to take care of yourself. You need to make sure that you are staying healthy and happy because you are more important.

Angry is a very passionate emotion.It can take you up or down.It will depend on the way that you are able to handle the emotion and what you intend to do with it. You do not want to let the anger that you have inside you got too far advanced. You want to make sure that you can contain it and keep it under control for your sake and the sake of others.There is no reason to fly off the handle and cause a big scene even though it may seem like it is a good idea at the time.

You can seek treatment for any anger issues that you may be dealing with. When you think that you are not able to control your anger, you can go and find help for these problems.You can get counseling and find out what is making you so angry and different steps to make it better and improve as time rolls on.

If you need more help on restraining orders go here to restrainingorder911.com

Or if you need more help with your divorce and to find a good mediator go here DivorceCures.com